Black Friday Creep
Nov 20, 2012
Guys' Weekend 2012
Mar 07, 2012
Coach Young resignation (Dec 21, 2012)
Dec 22, 2011
Coach Young's Tuesday webcast (12-20-11)
Dec 20, 2011
Coach Young's Tuesday webcast (12-13-11)
Dec 13, 2011
OSTG Press Conf 10/11/06
*LOST opens with KATE walking through the jungle franticly. She slips and falls down. The camera pans 180 degrees so we can see what Kate was running from. It is the black smoke. The camera cuts back to Kate who looks frightened.*
Kate: No stay away ! Oh God ! WhaÖ what DO YOU WANT ! Ö
*DAINA LEWIS from Action News 7 Detroit breaks into Lost to bring us a live webcast already in progress*
DL: Pardon us for the interruption I'm Daina Lewis from Action News 7 Detroit. We have just learned that Valerie Williamson and Richard Marino from Open Source Technology Group owners of -1 Insightful will be holding a live webcast to make a statement regarding the Commissioner of Fantasy Football Fever Mr. Townsendís resent memo. We now join GLENDA LEWIS live at the OSTG field office in Dexter, MI. Glenda.
GL: Hi mom, that's right I'm here in Dexter to await the live web broadcast from OSTG.
DL: Glenda, now you are there because they invited the media, but it's a live webcast why would they invite the media?
GL: I'm not sure mom. But it's about to start...
*STEVE MARIUCCI steps into the room followed by VALERIE WILLIAMSON, RICHARD MARINO and RON DAYNE. There suddenly is a lot more chatter amongst the reporters as Valerie steps up to the podium there are 2 monitors set up on each side of her. *
VW: Thank you all for coming. I understand you might be confused on why we invited the news media to this webcast. Well frankly there are many things that need to be cleaned up. I'd like to start off by saying we have fined Coach Steve Mariucci $50,000 for speaking of out of turn during last weekís webcast. Now this fine was levied due to the fact that he did not clear releasing the confession made by someone within the Deezies fa Sheezies franchise with OSTG. This fine in no way indicates that what was said was false. We just feel that we needed to make an example of why one should use the proper channels to bring this type of information into the light.
*The reporters chatter becomes louder and then start turning into audible questions*
VW: Now now hold on, we will get to each question you have today, but please let me finish and I promise youíll all be able to ask questions. The fact is we have a signed confession that is currently being faxed over to the commissionerís office. I would have rather handled this internally but from the memo I received from his office it looks as though heís is not interested in getting down to the truth of this matter. So Iím forced to play it out in the court of public opinion. You can find a copy of the x-ray taken of Mr. Jurevicius's upper torso at http://www.lifewithjustin.com/img/fff/xrayribs.jpg. You can clearly see where this weapon was broke off inside of him. Also on that graphic youíll see a close up picture of the weapon itself. We are deeply saddened by this outcome. It looks like the Coach C-Deezy is still upset about Jurevicius quitting this team. Let us not forget that Coach C-Deezy is not a stable man. If I could please, direct you to the monitors besides me for a moment for some examples.
*The room becomes quiet. On the monitors we can see a clip of a C-Deezy press conference on 12/3/04 *
Reporter 4: But you're not the number one seed, so your next opponent will either be the Dundee Dolphins or walmart is death, who embarrassed your team just one week ago.
CD: Yo, I told you not to talk about that! *jumps down from podium and runs toward Reporter 4 before tucking and rolling, turning around and dropkicking him* DRIVE-BY! *CD gets on one knee and poses* Holla! *kicks Reporter 4 in the stomach, flips him over, and puts him in a Texas Cloverleaf*
*Next we see a clip from 9/12/05*
REPORTER 1: About next week's game against Team Swamp Balls... how are you preparing for a team that blew you out at the end of last season and then did it again in the championship game?
CD: Yo... *CD rushes R1, knocking him to the ground. CD then proceeds to kick the crap out of R1.* You don't be axin' no questions like that, yo! *kick* You betta recognize real! *panting, then turning to REPORTER 3* Yo, what you lookin' at?
REPORTER 3: Uh, nothing.
*The next clip is from the week after 9/19/05*
REPORTER 1: Is your lip quivering?
CD: Naw, dog!
REPORTER 1: You're about to cry again like you did after the championship last year, aren't you?
CD: Naw! I... I... (CD begins to cry uncontrollably) WAAAH!! WAAAH!! IT'S NOT FAIR!! IT'S NOT FAIR!! WAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
REPORTER 3: (to the other reporters) Uh, guys, this is kind of uncomfortable.
CD: (throwing a temper tantrum) WAAAHHH!!! WHY CAIN'T WE WIN TOO?! WAAAHHHH!!! (kicking and screaming) NOT FAIR!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!
(The reporters begin to leave)
CD: (hoarse from crying) I WANT MY MOMMY!! WAAAHHHH!!!
*Next we see a clip from 11/14/05*
Reporter 1: Coach C-Deezy, there's been some speculation that you arranged the injury earlier this week to Priest Holmes in order to keep him from dominating your defense. Can you respond?
CD: Yo, quiet is kept and snitches get the ditches fa sho'! I ain't sayin' nothin'!
*Last we see a photo of C-Deezy from this last weeks halftime coming out of the Ďtunel of loveí and hear a series audio clip from the Afterparty yesterday *
CD: Ron Dayne better not say a word / don't you know that snitches get stitchces / sleep deep in ditches / sleep with the fishes / Danye you a dead man walking if you keep talking
CD: B-Dub if I see you at the club all you going to see is blood.
CD: Claming I shanked Joe, yo you a dead man... you an't got no proof
*Monitors turn off the focus again is on VW the chatter picks back up.*
VW: As you can clearly see Coach C-Deezy is not a stable man and is prone to violence against not only reporters but even setting up an injury to Priest Holmes. As you heard he contently threatens the livelyhood of both players and coaches. These video clips and a audio tape of the Afterparty have also been sent to the commissionerís office. I hope with this issue heíll do the right thing. But just incase he needs more evidence I will now ask that Ron Dayne read his confession.
*reading from a piece of paper*
RD: Coach said go out there and kill 'em. I didn't think we was serious but then he gave me a shank and said take out Jurevicius. If you fail, well lets not talk about that. At that point, after some of the stories I've heard of Coach I was scared for my life! So I did it, I went out there and broke that shank off in Jurevicius's rib cage. Please understand not only why I did this but also why I had to come forward. I regret my actions and my deeps apology goes out to not only -1 Insightful but to Jurevicius and his family. Signed Ron Dayne 10/02/06
*Steps back to as reporters shout questions. RM steps up to the podium.*
RM: We here at OSTG would now like to call upon the commissioner to take creditable action to these accusations. Not just fine us into silence or using investigations to strong arm us into keeping this quiet. I would also like to create an independent consul to look into why the commissionerís office felt that slanderous changes should be brought up in this case without hearing a single fact. I personally feel disheartened that the new kid on the block is treated this way. Let me help you out Commish, slanderous would be saying something like, ďThe commish was seen going into the backdoor of Coach C-Deezyís party where attendees notably Tom Cruise, Richard Gere, and Clay Aiken even used C-Deezyís front door. *sarcastically* That sir is slanderous because clearly I would be implying that you sir are gay, which we know isnít true. Iíll open the floor to questions. *Reporters shout questions, RM points to Glenda Lewis* Yes, Glenda?
GL: Sir, are we to understand that you think Coach C-Deezy is gay?
RM: No, no, Iíve never implied that at all. I know some of the Slashdot.org users have made suggestions to that, but I surreally havenít. Clearly that coming out party was a set up and I hope we find those responsible for it. I donít believe that one should be forced to come out. Next Question, yes FRANK...
FF: This question is for Ron Dayne why would you come forward if you know what Coach C-Deezy is capable of?
RD: After I did *starts to break down in tears* after I realized what kind of person *sobs* Coach made me into I couldnít *sniff* sleep or even eat. I knew *sobs* if I didnít do something soon *breaks down completely and can not continue, RM steps back up to the podium*
RM: I had a long talk with this young man and it really comes down to Ron Dayne understanding what he did was wrong and that he was headed down the wrong life path. He did not want to become another Coach C-Deezy which is in his view isnít even a man. Ron himself was never going to come out publicly as the whistleblower, however after what Coach C-Deezy said at his Afterparty, we felt that we was going to be bullied into keeping quiet. Next question, yes you in the 5th row.
REPORTER 1: JACK JOHNSON from the Daily, this question is for Mooch. Sir, would you have handled this situation any differently now that everything is out?
SM: I donít think so Jack. Sure the 50k hurt. But I believe in open and honest communication. And as you can see by the reaction by the commissionerís office this issue might have been just glossed over in a page five with a 2 inch story. I believe that Coach C-Deezy should be held responsible for his actions for far too long has the FFF just stood by week in and week out letting Coaches like Young, Pool, and Deezy get away with to quote Ghostbusters ďshit that would turn you white.Ē I think itís high time that the FFF do something about this, if I have to be the Mark Cuban of this league so be it. I thank you for that question, anyone else have any questions for me?
*CRAZYJIM1 via webcam asks*
CrazyJim1: Coach, now that we somehow got lucky and we now have Matt Hasselbeck, do you plan to start him this weekend?
SM: Iíve read the chat logs and the suggestions and I see week after week youíve been calling for Daunteís head. Iíll donít know for sure who I will be starting after Thursdayís practice. Iíll have a webcast then to explain the whys and whats for the weekend. Richard.
RM: Anymore questions? Yes JILL.
JE: A follow up to CrazyJim1ís question. Isnít it true that Carson Rizor was in talks to trade well him *points too Ron Dayne* to the Tin Indians for Hasselbeck before you were in talks with the Tin Indians? And for that matter that Moochís comments saying that the Deezies fa Sheezies organization was trying to steal Hasselbeck out from under you was just a flat lie?
RM: Indeed Mooch was ... *Mooch cuts off Richard*
SM: I was wrong. I had asked OSTG to try and make a deal with the Tin Indians for Matt. I was under the impression that was going on when I thought Carson Rizor interjected trying to steal Matt out from under us. I did not know that OSTG was second to the table. I have talked to Mr. Rizor and apologized for this. I regret making this statement and I will make sure I have all my facts before making this type of statement again.
*Valerie Williamson steps up to the podium and whispers something to Mooch, Mooch lets VM take the podium*
VM: Iím sorry to cut this short, but there is only 15 minutes left to Lost and I guess ABC is kicking us off the ...
*Static... then you see Kate crying while SAWYER is sitting beside her *
Kate: The black smoke. The black smoke touched me.
Sawyer: What? It did what?
Kate: It touched meÖ here.
Sawyer: Show me exactly how it touched you. Show me slowly...