haas's wit

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Pool Reinstated as Wopat Head Coach
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Wopat Season 2 Presser

JP: Alright, let's get this out of the way. After looking at the footage of last week's game against the Dolphinzzz, footage which was shot and brought to me by a local drifter wearing a confederate flag cap and a "I break for whites" T-shirt, we can clearly see Dolphinzzz LB Paul Puzslslszszny running over to the Wopat bench. He then gave our LB Jerod Mayo a quick chop block to take him down, only to break his arm on Mayo's kneecap, which became dislocated after the hit. Both players will be out indefinately with these severe injuries.

Q: Wow, more thuggery between you two teams. That's real suprising.

JP: Well, I'm not good at reading sarcasm so I'll assume your serious. No, it's not really suprising. We've had a long-standing rivarly with those Dolphin bastards and every time we play each other someone gets hurt. Look at last year: First game of the season, our WR Nate Burleson breaks his leg and ends up out for the whole year. Another one of our WR's Marques Colston broke his finger and missed like 6 games. And then the second time we played they beat us by like 100 points. So with that, my feelings got hurt. See, nothing's safe!

Q: So what do want to see happen when you two face each other again this season?

JP: What I'd like is for once, let us and the Dolphinzzz show some class. I'd like to see hand shakes, bows, salutes, maybe even a few hugs. Let's put all our petty rivalry BS aside and respect each other and the majestic game we get the priviledge of playing every week. Hell, it works for Ring of Honor, doesn't it?

Q: Actually, that sounds really lame and stupid.

JP: Yeah, now that you mention it Ring of Honor sucks too.

Q: So we were watching Coach Young's webcast (available every week on lifewithjustin.com/fff)and we have to ask, who was that dude in the ballcap that interrupted his first address and talked about how you were the best coach ever?

JP: Oh, that guy is just some foreign exchange student we picked up from England last year as part of our student internship program. He's been doing some filing and general office duties around Camp Wopat. He gets one meal a day and sleeps on a cot in the storage room.

Q: Well, how did he appear on Coach Young's webcast?

JP: Obviously he got out of his cage or someone forgot to lock it, alright?

Q: Have you seen the footage of the first C-Deezy Fa Sheezy press conference since he returned from his disappearance?

JP: Yeah, I didn't know C-Deezy had access to a public radio studio, but it was nice to see him back and attacking reporters again.

Q: When do you think we'll get to hear the story of where he's been for the last year and a half?

JP: Who knows? As long as he details how he survived in a garbage bag at the bottom of Lake Superior without dying I'll be happy.

Q: So, you've started the season undefeated and face an sneaky Tin Indians team this week. Any thoughts?

JP: Hey we know the Indians are always capable of an upset so I gotta get our guys to focus and give 100%. Plus I love travelling to the greater Chicago area and the Sears Centre. The Beef-A-Roo provides a good spread with all those burgers, chili cheese fries and that weird smelly item they called "Chicago River Seafood Salad." I told Kurt Warner to stay away from that last item if he wants to have a good game and doesn't want to end up on the crapper the entire second half, like what happened to poor Jay Cutler a couple years ago.

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