haas's wit

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Pool Reinstated as Wopat Head Coach
Dec 08, 2011

Coach Pool Out of Mental Facility
Nov 23, 2011



Wopat Week 7 Presser

JP: First off, no we still have not heard from our "consultant" yet this week. We've placed calls to several of Mr. "Rayne's" reported homes and we've got people on the lookout at all of his old hangouts. All that's left to do is fill out a missing persons report but we hope it doesn't come to that.

Q: I thought it was pretty clear he was over with Coach Young partying it up with all those missing Deezies players.

JP: Well, it certainly appears to be the case but we don't have any proof. You know as well as I do Coach Young is willing to say and do anything when he's getting his drunk on.

Q: So you haven't contacted Coach Young to see where Dayne's at?

JP: I tried a bunch of times but it seems like he never picks up his phone. It's so annoying.

Q: You two wouldn't be in cahoots, would you?

JP: Come again? Do you realize how stupid that sounds?

Q: Well, you're playing the Deezies this week and now most of his starting lineup is missing along with your "consultant" and now it appears Coach Young might have something to do with it too.

JP: You guys think I'm in cahoots with everyone around here. Coach Young's made my life a living hell for the past couple seasons; you guys forget that? We almost had to change our names to the Tom Wopat She-Males last year if we lost to them, remember? He thinks me and the commish are in collusion, he hates the defensive player system which is sacred to me...want me to go on?

Q: Well, how is your matchup with the Deezies gonna be fair?

JP: Well to be honest I could give two craps if it's fair. But to shut everyone up, we will sit Andre Johnson and Arian Foster this week. Satisfied?

Q: No, that sounds like a very stupid strategy to me. You guys need the win way more than they do.

JP: Not if you know what I know about what really happened to Dallas Clark.

Q: What was that?

JP: Nothing, forget it. Now, in the spirit of my M.I.A. consultant, I found out some more stuff on Deezy that he might not want y'all to know. But I'm gonna spill it anyway. So...C-Deezy's been pretty quiet all week so far, right? Especially since half his team is missing and his mortal enemy Coach Young might be involved...well you guys want to know the reason why he ain't talking? Apparently C-Deezy's been busy all week doing his court-appointed community service at the local public radio station. He hasn't been around his team all week; they haven't even worked out a game plan! And his beloved WR Steve Smith is sick of it and might walk! How's that for some shit, eh? The Dayne Train ain't got nothing on me!

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