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Wopat Week 8 Presser

JP: After viewing Coach Young's latest cry for help, we have come to the unfortunate conclusion that our "consultant" may have played a role in the injuring of several Deezies players last week. I would like to publicly apologize to the Deezies franchise for the fact that Dallas Clark is out for the year, Austin Collie is out 3-4 weeks, and Adam Vinatieri wanted to play for us instead of going back to the Deezies.

Q: So did you have any idea Dayne was gonna be involved in such a controversial fraccas?

JP: No. Like I explained last week, Mr. "Rayne" didn't report to us after our game against the Swamp Gonads. We couldn't reach him all week; then Coach Young posted that video where it was clear he was knee-walking drunk and communicating with Mr. "Rayne" and the Deezies players so we put two and two together. Then Coach Young confirmed it.

Q: Where is Dayne now?

JP: We've suspended him for a week without pay. Even though he keeps telling us "he gonna get paid whether we knows it or not" whatever the hell that's supposed to mean.

Q: Think that will do the trick?

JP: I hope so. We wanted to send him a message that we didn't hire him so he'd go out and injure players and cause widespread harm around the league. He's a former FFF player/snitch and we thought he'd bring some knowledge to the table. We're hoping he still will. But this sneaking off and causing harm to other players will not stand any longer.

Q: You got the rematch against the Dolphinzzz this week - didn't their RB Reggie Bush break his leg?

JP: We had nothing to do with that.

Q: How come they can't find their other RB Matt Forte all of a sudden?

JP: Okay I don't like where these questions are going. I'm outta here.

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