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Wopat Week 9 Presser

Team owner William Clay Haas makes a rare public appearance and addresses the media:

WCH: Ladies and gentlemen of the press, due to our team losing twice in the same year to our dreaded rivals the Dundee Dolphinszz for the first time ever, my team has sunk to new levels of mediocrity. It is my judgment that the team wasn't as coached as they could've been last week. While we made a commendable comeback attempt at the last minute, we still fell short. Because of this setback, I've decided to suspend head coach Pool for one game.

Q: About damn time.

Q: Yeah, why haven't you fired the prick yet?

WCH: I still believe he's the right coach of the team, and his past history of winning proves that. I just feel at this time he needs a quick break from the pressures.

Q: Kinda like a few years ago when you suspended him and let John Schneider coach for a week or so?

WCH: Yes, exactly like that.

Q: Where's Schneider at then?

WCH: No, this year I've decided to go with someone already in house. I feel this is the guy that can motivate the team to play at the level I know they can play at.

Q: Oh god...

WCH: Let me introduce our interm head coach for this week only...Ron Dayne!

Q: I thought he was still referring to himself as "Don Rayne"?

RON DAYNE: Yeah well I out in the public too damn much lately for that disguise bullshit to work anymore, son. Anyone have a beef with me, bring it, yo. I'll be on the sidelines wearing special blinged-out coaches headphones, playa. Take ya best shot!

Q: Aren't you gonna threaten your opponent this week like you usually do?

RON DAYNE: Nah I ain't about that anymore. Actually I planned on it until I couldn't figure out where they play. At first I thought it was Ojai, then Ventura County, then Clifton, then Fenton, dig? I logged some mad frequent flyer miles looking for this Sims dude, but by the time I figure out the playboy's up in Sawyer, I got tired and went home instead, straight up ballin'.

Q: What makes you think you can coach the team better than Coach Pool?

RON DAYNE: It ain't about better or worse, it about getting the best out of these dudes, heard? It about havin' another voice and spreadin' the message. And if we successful this week, Pool can come back and learn from me, you buyin' what I'm sellin'?

Q: I actually have no idea what you're talking about.


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