bigabyss's wit

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Embarrassing thoughts...and more

As I mentioned in my last post, Rachel's grandparents were in town for the last 2 weeks because her grandfather's grandson was getting married. Well, her grandmother forgot grandpa's Nitro pills...but didn't forget the, wait for it, VIAGRA! That's right, grammy remembered the little blue pecker picker upper, but couldn't grab the pills that would help his heart and pacemaker in case of a malfunction. What would she have done if she'd have given him the little blue magic maker and then needed the Nitro? I'm hoping she would have just popped him another blue bandit so he could at least keep it up while he was going out. I'm guessing if you're still with me, it'll take you a while before getting those images out of your head. For those of you who skipped the first paragraph, welcome back. Pussies. I was talking to Haas the other night when my phone cut off & left him hanging like a drunk sits outside of Hungry Howies in Marquette at 4:05 am (if you don't remember, they closed at 4). Anyway, I was telling him about my drive to work one morning. Out of nowhere, this lady on a bicycle came around a side street corner. The woman (she was older and probably needed to be on a stationary bike) decided she was going to look somewhere besides the immediate direction she was traveling in. By the time she realized she had screwed up, she was swerving back and forth between the edge of the curb and the ivy and then...splat. RIght onto the sidewalk. She looked up (I avoided eye contact and tried not to laugh) and then let out a scream Nancy Kerrigan would have been proud of. She looked to be more shaken then anything, so I kept driving when the light turned green & figured if she really needed help somebody would call 911 for her. Yeah, I'm an asshole, but that's how I choose to live my life, so what are you gonna do? The Ducks are currently beating the Coyotes 4-2 with a little more than 5 minutes to go in the middle stanza. The 'Yotes have all of 15 shots on goal through the first 35 minutes of play. With Wayne Gretzky behind the bench, I would think he would teach them how to at least shoot the puck. Damn, the guy had 50 goals in 39 games one year (correct me if I'm wrong, Coldcat). The Ducks have been almost lights out this year when leading after 2 and they really need a win coming off that dismal pre-ASG roadie...especially with the Obama/Blackhawks coming to town tomorrow. Damn! Shane Doan just scored his second goal of the game...he hadn't scored in the last 9, so that sucks. The Ducks just countered with a Travis Moen goal at 19:57. Ahhhh yesssss, the coach killer goal. In the 2nd period, the Ducks get one in the first minute and one in the last minute. 5 goals so far...if this was a home game we'd be getting free fries. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMFries!!!!!!! I guess that's all for now...just random shit floating through my brain. I think I'm going to go have some Fun WIth Captions (PLUG).

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